Midnight
by fbi-woman
Summary: A slight twist on the traditional New Year’s fic. Lilly/Scotty with minor Kat/Vera.


Title: Midnight

Author: fbi-woman

Rating: K+

Type: Cold Case, LS, minor Kat/Vera

Spoilers: Not really set at any specific time in the show. But Eddie isn't around, just FYI.

Disclaimer: Wish they were mine, but sadly, they're not. No much is, to be honest.

Summary: A slight twist on the traditional New Year's fic.

A/N: So, I wasn't actually going to write this, but I owe FloatingAmoeba new ff (I can't quite remember how that happened, but I remember that I'm supposed to be writing something lol) so here it is. Btw if anyone is in the market for some high end headphones (I listen to music while I write), seriously consider getting Heartbeats by Lady GaGa. I'm at the airport/on a plane while writing this and my music isn't even that loud but I can't hear anything else, they totally seal out sound pollution. Even the engine isn't interfering, it's fabulous. And they're pretty, and you can customize the size. Definitely worth the money, so in love with them (and all things GaGa, sorry for the shameless plug for her merchandise lol). Okay back on track, for FloatingAmoeba (sorry if I disappoint!). Hope it's not too OOC *worries*. Oh and it's 4am as I'm proofreading, so apologies in advance for any errors.

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Lilly had never been a big fan of parties. It's not that she was antisocial; she just didn't see the point in getting all dressed up to go be in a room with a bunch of people, most of whom you aren't close to. She particularly hated work parties. And yet here she sat, alone at a table with a glass of champagne, watching her colleagues dance and celebrate. She shouldn't have come. Why did she let them talk her into this? After many jeers from Vera, much prodding from Kat and gentle persuasion from the other three, she had finally decided that the only way to end the torture was to come to the damn party. She considered not showing. Considered it a lot, in fact. But she knew she would get hell for it as soon as they were back at work, if not in the form of voicemails and text messages prior. Was it really so bad to stay at home and have a quiet evening with your cats on New Year's Eve? Actually, now that she actually heard it in her head, it did sound a little sad. Maybe if she'd come with someone it wouldn't seem so bad. She didn't really have anyone to ask though, and she didn't want a pity date, so she had come by herself.

Her gaze turned to fall on Scotty, sitting at the bar with a girl she didn't recognize. He hadn't brought anyone, so she must work for the precinct. They looked happy. Suddenly she felt very alone. He glanced up from his conversation, catching her eye, and immediately she looked away, feeling the flush of embarrassment rising to her face. What the hell was she doing, being jealous that Scotty had someone to talk to and she didn't. She could if she wanted to… right? This is what she had wanted, not to be bothered, but now she was starting to second guess that plan. Maybe she should go latch onto Kat. Kat would make sure she had at least a little fun. But once she gave up her solitude, she knew there would be no going back. Everyone would be on her case if she sat back down. Maybe this was why she didn't like parties; they confuse her about what she wants and what she should do. Not knowing how to control a situation wasn't something she was comfortable with.

She felt him approach before he sat down. Crap. She hadn't meant to steal him away from his companion. She wasn't entirely unhappy that he came over, but she didn't want to be in the way if he wanted to be somewhere else. She sighed. Why did she have to make everything so complicated? And now he was watching her. She didn't need to look up to know. Silence reigned as she waited for the inevitable.

"What, you're not gonna say hi to me?"

There it was. Her vision remained focused on the little bubbles in her drink, watching as they rose to the surface and disappeared. "Hey."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She raised her eyes for a quick smile before lowering them again; afraid they might give her away.

"You don't look fine."

"Well, I am."

"Whatever it is, just tell me. Or are you just gonna sit here alone all night sulking about it?"

Taking a deep breath, she finally turned to face him. "It's fine Scotty, really. It's nothing, I just don't like parties. You know that." She could tell he didn't believe her.

"Come on Lil, it's not just that."

She was getting frustrated now. Why did he always know what buttons to push? "I just wish I'd stayed home, okay?"

"No. Why do you wanna be home?"

"Because I like having a quiet night at home! Why is that such a big deal to everyone?"

"Okay then, new question: why don't you want to be here? And 'I don't like parties' isn't an answer, I want a real why."

"If I tell you, will you knock off the interrogation?"

"Yes."

"Fine", she huffed. "I want to be home 'cause I feel dumb sitting here by myself, knowing everyone is probably looking at me like a pity case."

"There's a solution to that, you know."

"I'm just not that kind of person Scotty. I don't dance in front of all my friends, I'm not the life of the party, I don't think the start of a new year is some momentous event that deserves a big celebration. I kind of like sitting back and watching, I just wish someone else did too."

"You just gotta find a balance. You don't have to do the same thing all night." He paused, waiting for a response that never came. "I don't mind just watchin' either, if you want some company."

She did, but then again she didn't. "No, you don't have to stay. You were having a good time until you came over here, don't let me stop you."

"Who says I'm not havin' a good time right now?"

"I'm not buying it, Scotty."

He shrugged, out of ideas. "Alright Lil, but you change your mind, come find me, okay?"

Her voice failing, she simply nodded and watched as he disappeared into the crowd. At least she had her quiet contemplative space back…

For fifteen blissful minutes before Kat promptly plopped herself into Scotty's vacant chair.

"Hey, everything okay?"

Lilly groaned. "Why does everyone think I'm not okay?"

"Maybe because it's New Year's, and you're starin' at that glass like it's the most interesting thing you've ever seen."

"I am not."

"Are you lookin' at you right now?" She opened her mouth to protest but Kat was too quick. "No, you're not. Now you need to down that drink and get your ass out on the floor with us."

"I'm really not – "

"I don't care. There's only a couple minutes left, and I'm not lettin' you start the year alone at this table, so you're gonna come make a fool of yourself with the rest of us and find someone to kiss at midnight."

Shit. She hadn't even thought about that. Next year she definitely wasn't coming alone… if at all. New Year's was party hell without a date.

Before she had time to think any further, Kat had grabbed her by the arm and begun dragging her away from the safety of her seat. She looked around frantically for a familiar face to save her, but she didn't recognize anyone. She didn't want to be pawned off on the closest male stranger at midnight. Mentally she ran down a list potential possibilities several times, but there were really only two options: Kite, or Scotty. And Kite was out of the question, so really, she had one option. Would it be that weird kissing Scotty? Sure they're partners, but he's a good looking guy, smart and funny, she trusts him, and they're friends, so he would understand. So why were the warning bells going off in her head? It was just a stupid New Year's kiss, it wouldn't _mean_ anything. Surely she must be overreacting. Nothing would happen, they're just friends.

"Kat I forgot, I'm supposed to go find Scotty before midnight. I said I would."

Her friend studied her skeptically for a minute before speaking. "Alright, but if I see you hidin' out on your own, I'm bringin' you right back out here."

"Deal."

Kat released her vice-grip on Lilly's arm, and she took off to find Scotty. Weaving through the dancing couples and laughing groups of coworkers, she soon found herself lost in the sea of attendees with no sign of Scotty anywhere. She glanced over at the clock mounted on the wall. 11:58. Crap.

She began fighting her way back through the dense crowd, heading to the last place she had seen him: at the bar... with that other girl! Shit. Suddenly she realized that she hadn't even considered that he might be with someone else. She had just assumed that he would be there for her. He was always there when she needed him. She never stopped to think that it might be different this time. A twinge of fear snuck up on her, gnawing away at the insecurities she hid away. If he wasn't there when she screwed up, when she was hurting, when she was scared, who else did she have? What was she going to do when the day came that he had someone else to look out for? She shook her head. She was being ridiculous. As far as she knew, it was nothing serious with this girl, and they would always be friends regardless; some other girl would never be able to take that away. She was letting this spiral way out of control. How did a potential New Year's kiss turn into a mini crisis?

At last she reached the bar, but to her dismay he was no longer there. Her plan was a clear failure, and the longer she thought about it, the worse she felt about the whole idea. Maybe she should give up and go join Kat instead. From where she was standing she could see Kat across the room with Vera, so she wouldn't have to claw her way through the crowd to find them. And the countdown was starting. She was too late now anyways. She looked over her shoulder one last fleeting time, and that's when she saw him. He was in the back, one arm around the girl she had seen him with before, smiling while they counted down the seconds. The voice in her head was telling her to turn away, but she couldn't. Something held her still, forcing her to stand there and watch as they reached one and their lips met.

All of a sudden, the strangest thing was happening to her. It was like she had been sucker punched; all the breath being knocked out of her and replaced with sharp ache that she hadn't expected. In a matter of seconds, cracks were rapidly appearing in her carefully constructed walls. What the hell was going on? She had to get out. She just needed some air; that was all. Flicking her head towards the door to plan her escape, her eyes fell on a rather unexpected sight: Vera and Kat locked in a kiss. That's when it happened. A wave of pain ripped through her, and she felt the hot sting of tears. The walls were crumbling around her now, and her desperate attempt to hold them up was futile. This couldn't really be happening to her. In a room full of people, no less. It had to be some awful nightmare. She couldn't seriously be falling apart in front of everyone. She looked back again, just as Scotty happened to look up, and her eyes found his. His expression changed and she knew her feelings were written all over her face. She spun around and bolted towards the exit, carelessly pushing her way through anyone in front of her. She had to get out _fast_. She had to get outside and disappear before he could catch up with her.

The hurried click of her heels on the concrete outside echoed through the otherwise silent area, but she didn't hear it. The fierce pounding of her heart was deafening. Rain was spitting down from the darkened sky, but she didn't feel it. It was indistinguishable from the tears that refused to obey her commands to stop. She ducked around the corner of the building and leaned back against the cold brick while carefully listening for any sign of being followed. All was completely still and quiet. To her surprise, she felt very little relief. Part of her was actually more upset that he hadn't come after her. This was not Lilly Rush; she had no idea who this person was. Lilly Rush wasn't _that_ girl. She was never the girl who needed someone else. People let her down, they hurt her, they left her, and she always found a way to be okay on her own. She'd been cheated on, been betrayed, and yet somehow this felt worse. But he wasn't hers; he didn't really betray her at all. So why did it feel like he had?

She was reaching for her phone, to call a cab, when a shuffle of sound caught her attention. It was footsteps. They were faint, but they were there. She nearly jumped when a loud call suddenly pierced the air.

"Lil?"

She held her breath.

"Come on Lil, I know you're out here."

What should she do?

"I've got all night."

Several moments passed where neither spoke. And then her phone started ringing, his name popping up on her caller ID. Damn he was clever. The footsteps picked up again and she knew he had her. She wasn't going to get away this time. She sighed as he rounded the corner.

"Hey."

She stared down, watching the raindrops hit the ground. "Hey."

"So… what just happened in there?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"You gonna make me play 20 questions again, or save us both some time and tell me why you're upset?"

"I'm fine."

"Don't give me that, Lil. I'm not buyin' it and you know I'm not leavin' until you fess up."

"Why do you care so much?" she snapped, immediately regretting it when she saw the flash of hurt in his eyes. "I mean, why can't you ever just let it go?"

"You want me to leave?"

She hesitated. Did she? No, but she didn't want to say so either. "I just want to go home."

"Can I at least give you a ride?"

With a silent nod, she followed him to the parking lot.

The entire walk to his car was a nonstop debate. Say something, or don't say something? What was a safe amount to confess? What would her backup story be? All this uncommon inner drama was giving her a headache. She opted not to speak. At least if she didn't say anything, she couldn't make things worse. He was frustrated with her. She could always tell, just from how he walked. She supposed he had good right to be, he just wanted her to be okay, and she wasn't making it very easy for him. After all the time they spent side by side, she didn't trust him with the truth, and she knew that wasn't fair. But she couldn't help it; it's just part of how she is. She didn't know how to fix it, or if she could fix it for that matter. She wasn't what you would call a 'sharer'. And yet, with her head against the window and the static silence in the car, she found her resolve wearing thin.

"I hate New Year's."

There was no reply, not even a glance.

"I hate most holidays. Holidays are when you're supposed to be with loved ones and reminisce about good times, so all they do is remind me that I don't have that. I don't mind being alone, I have been for most of my life, but holidays are always a little hard to take when you're alone." She had no idea why she was telling him all this, but the words just kept coming. "And tonight, actually _being_ there and seeing everyone celebrating together… I didn't know where I fit in. And then Kat forced me to get up for the countdown, and I kept thinking about who I wanted to be with when the new year started, and it was you. I was looking but I couldn't find you." She was gradually speaking faster and faster, trying to get it all out while she could. "Then right before midnight, I turned around, and you were there, and you were with someone, and I turned around again, and of all people, I saw Kat and Vera kissing and I realized that I was the only one standing out there with no one. And I guess I had just always assumed that when I needed someone you would be right there waiting, and I know how stupid and unrealistic that is, but I needed to believe it. And tonight when I saw you with her, it hit me that I was kidding myself, and when I thought about losing you to someone else, I panicked."

They came to a stop in front of her house just as she finished. He still hadn't said anything or even looked over at her. If she thought she was scared before, she was completely terrified now.

When he finally spoke, his voice was surprisingly soft. "I'm sorry, Lil."

Did she hear that right? What the hell did he have to be sorry about? "For what?"

"For not being there when you needed me."

"Scotty, you didn't know."

"I should have. I shoulda stayed at the table with you, I knew somethin' wasn't right."

"You're not a mind reader. I didn't even know until exactly 11:58."

He chuckled and stepped out into the rain, walking around to open her door. She couldn't help but smile. Always so chivalrous. She was surprised, however, when he started to walk beside her as she made her way to the front door.

"You don't have to walk me to the door, Scotty. We're not on a date." Though she suddenly wondered what it would be like if they were.

"I know."

They were just about there when he stopped abruptly, taking her hand and spinning her around to face him. Then he took a step closer, lacing his fingers with hers. "You know, you're never gonna lose me to someone else. Just say the word, and I'll come runnin'."

She was taken aback by the sincerity in his voice and intensity in his eyes. With that one sentence, the whole emotional whirlwind of the night disappeared and her world was falling back into place. How did he do that? How did he always know how to get to her? Momentarily speechless, she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. But after her lips left his skin, she lingered in the closeness. Something about the way the rain mingled with his comforting scent and how his free arm slid around her waist made her want to stay. Reluctantly, she finally pulled back, but he didn't release her from the embrace. He let her move just far enough that he could see into her eyes and no further. For the briefest of seconds she struggled against his hold. And then she stopped, standing still and just staring back at him.

Before she had time to process what was happening, he was leaning in and her eyes were closing. He gently brushed his lips across hers, and all her thoughts disappeared. For once, she wasn't thinking. She didn't need to. She kissed him back hungrily, tugging her hand free from his to wrap both arms around his neck. One hand now tangled in her damp hair and the other still around her middle, he held her as close as he possibly could and devoured her. She couldn't believe how dense she was to not have noticed this sooner. She didn't want to move but her lungs were begging for air, and she inevitably gave in. Breathing hard, she threw him a smile and continued to her door. She dug out her keys, but before she unlocked the door she turned around.

"You wanna come in?"

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A/N: There may or may not be a second, more 'mature' chapter to this, I haven't decided yet. We'll have to see. Reviews are love.


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